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you know what people would probably say about it, the current topic of transgenderism and how bodies define genders or how everything is determined by what sex but here are my thoughts on it:
my bones were simply set in the wrong mould ; set in the wrong shape
even from birth they never quite fit my twisting contorting form
"born with the wrong bones?"
my skeleton disagrees with me, it fights against my muscles and skin. i quarrel with carbon and calcium, and somehow - i lose.
i refuse to look at my reflection -
i flinch at an unintentional glance, towels hanging over the bathroom mirror i refuse to take that chance. i might grow attached with features, obsess over small details and then the floodgates open up where thoughts overwhelm me.
im fine with my body and face, im not upset over it but i know society won't like this as the body of a boy even though it is.
my native heritage told me it is but others tell me otherwise.
my blood tells me i'm a boy but my friends and crush's think otherwise.
i wish people could see, but shit, honestly i wish i could see it aswell; i doubt myself alot. it's torturous and it sucks, sometimes i just want to curl up and cry but it is what it is.
there are just some pains that can't be altered and i'll have to live with it and stick by what i call my truth even though sometimes i really wish i was different.
i fucking hate being transgender in this society with all of my being, i'm not even sure it's going to get better. i don't want to have to get top surgery and take testosterone just to feel happy. i don't want to have to prove that i'm a man all the time, or even at all. i don't want to be a political debate for people to argue about, i just want to be me.
i hate dysphoria, i hate gender envy, i hate transphobia, i hate my life, i hate who i am, i hate how i'm treated, i hate how my people are treated, i hate when identity is stripped and taken off of someone, i hate being forced to do things,
i hate myself.
if you really wonder what caused me to think like this, it's the fact even if i see otherwise most people's first impressions will be what i "present" as. feminine. or in the worst cases, as nothing.
multiple instances where people have geniunely told me,
" I don't know what you are or what you're supposed to be "
like i'm a BUILD-A-BEAR??
my bones were simply set in the wrong mould ; set in the wrong shape
even from birth they never quite fit my twisting contorting form
"born with the wrong bones?"
my skeleton disagrees with me, it fights against my muscles and skin. i quarrel with carbon and calcium, and somehow - i lose.
i refuse to look at my reflection -
i flinch at an unintentional glance, towels hanging over the bathroom mirror i refuse to take that chance. i might grow attached with features, obsess over small details and then the floodgates open up where thoughts overwhelm me.
im fine with my body and face, im not upset over it but i know society won't like this as the body of a boy even though it is.
my native heritage told me it is but others tell me otherwise.
my blood tells me i'm a boy but my friends and crush's think otherwise.
i wish people could see, but shit, honestly i wish i could see it aswell; i doubt myself alot. it's torturous and it sucks, sometimes i just want to curl up and cry but it is what it is.
there are just some pains that can't be altered and i'll have to live with it and stick by what i call my truth even though sometimes i really wish i was different.
i fucking hate being transgender in this society with all of my being, i'm not even sure it's going to get better. i don't want to have to get top surgery and take testosterone just to feel happy. i don't want to have to prove that i'm a man all the time, or even at all. i don't want to be a political debate for people to argue about, i just want to be me.
i hate dysphoria, i hate gender envy, i hate transphobia, i hate my life, i hate who i am, i hate how i'm treated, i hate how my people are treated, i hate when identity is stripped and taken off of someone, i hate being forced to do things,
i hate myself.
if you really wonder what caused me to think like this, it's the fact even if i see otherwise most people's first impressions will be what i "present" as. feminine. or in the worst cases, as nothing.
multiple instances where people have geniunely told me,
" I don't know what you are or what you're supposed to be "
like i'm a BUILD-A-BEAR??
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